Tuesday, February 4, 2014

It's OK to have an "OFF" week...

So far, I've lost 18.2 lbs on Weight Watchers - HOORAY! I am absolutely an emotional eater: bored, stressed, happy, dazed, confused, lonely, tired...you name it. I eat. Getting my snacking under control has been a huge hurdle for me and I've taken lots of baby steps that seem to be working! I also ate a double cheeseburger the other day and it literally made my stomach churn...I'm so glad that my body is now craving fresh fruit and veggies over greasy burgers!

I had to halt my exercise routine last week because I was in a small fender bender that caused my back to be sore. Since it's been a week and I don't have any lasting discomfort, I can begin again!

Over the weekend hubby and I did some cleaning out, and I'm more determined than ever to be organized in 2014. Our DVD collection, photos that I'm not scrapbooking, and girls' playroom are top on the list. I've been pinning like crazy today with ideas, and I can't wait to find a solution that works for us!

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Mommy To Do List

1. Begin Workout Routine


I just received this bad girl in the mail today and am excited to give it a shot. My biggest hope is that it helps with my diastasis recti (ouch, by the way). I am over 90 days in on my Weight Watchers journey...will post pictures later. I have lots to be proud of but lots of room for improvement. Apparently I'm a "glass half empty" kind of person today. 

2. Organize, Organize, Organize!!

Scrap room, kitchen cupboards, closet, playroom...all neglected. I have a scrap day this weekend, an entire weekend coming up with a friend the second week of February, and another weekend scrap retreat in April, which I will be bringing Miss A to since I'm still breastfeeding and can't spend a night away from her yet. Not much time left before I need to have everything organized and accessible.

3. Put Away Christmas Decorations

Yep. January 21st and haven't touched a single bulb. Oops!
*Completed on 2/2

4. Freezer Meals

These got me through September, October, November, December, and part of January. All from my hard work last summer...now that my freezer is empty of meals, I feel unprepared. I am in the midst of getting a group together and having this taken care of. This past weekend alone I ran the dishwasher twice a day from having to cook three meals for four people...yowza!
*Completed 1/26 (with more to come on 2/15!)

5. Blog

I really want to start posting some of Nanny's recipes that I've come to really love among other organizing tips and my fitness journey.

6. Job Hunt

I'm being laid off at the end of July. It's immense pressure knowing this far in advance, but I'm trying to view it as a blessing and be picky about where my next move is. I'm hoping for something closer to home with better pay. Prayers appreciated!

Monday, January 13, 2014

My Family

I meant to mention, my beautiful and healthy baby girl A was born on September 12th: the original due date! I gained a LOT of weight with her and she ended up being 8lbs 6oz of perfection! Chubby cheeks, beautiful eyes and a sweet little button nose. The birth was incredible to say the least. Out of the 7 hours I was at the hospital and in labor, only 2 were controlled by anesthesia. And not in a row, either, just total. But I wouldn't change it for anything, I forgot about it the second I was holding my little miracle baby!

She's now 4 months old and rolling around. B is in first grade and a superstar both there and at gymnastics. E got rid of her crib and diapers and is growing like a weed - one day her 3T pants were 3 inches too short! Crazy kids. Jax is 14 months and such a good boy (handsome too!).

Courtesy of Sarah Ciccone Photography, October 2013
Life is good.

2014: A Mommy's Makeover

The last few years have been crazy.

2007: Birth of a beautiful, healthy baby girl, B.
2008: A move, a tragic family loss, and another move.
2009: A break up, a tragic family loss, and a move.
2010: A reunion, a move, the birth of beautiful baby girl E, and an engagement.
2011: A new job, a wedding, and officially becoming the beautiful baby girl E's (born in 2010) step mom.
2012: A new home, a miscarriage, and a new addition: a black lab!
2013: A pregnancy and birth of a beautiful, healthy baby girl, A.
2014: ???

This year is going to be a lot about me. Not to be selfish, but to revive and replenish my soul. I've immersed myself in building a family and building our lives, but have lost myself in that when I look in the mirror, I don't like what I see. Not "who" I see, mind you. I love that I am a mama to three girls. I love that I can hold the fort down with the kids and puppy while hubby puts in extra hours at his business. I love that there are messes to clean and fingerprints along the walls because my kids are using their imagination. I don't mind the lack of sleep, but the lack of caring for myself has slowly started to creep up on me.

What is this skin I wear? This 26-year-old skin already shows signs of wear and tear: bags under my eyes, wrinkles across my forehead from all the eyebrow raising at my kids (whether it be of pure shock or unstoppable surprise)...but what really stands out is the dullness in expressions. Can I put on a sexy face for my hubby? Nope. I think I look goofy. Can I smile for a self-portrait to show all the baby weight I've shed? Not without thinking I look like a creep! My self-confidence has been lost. I love who I am on the inside, but is it enough to make me shine? Looks are not everything, but I don't feel comfortable in this skin.

This skin. It has seen its share of battles already. Bearing the weight of two children my stretchmarks are now deep crevices on this canvas. But it's more than just skin deep. My abdominal muscles split, my arms - although constantly carrying and cleaning - are flabby and unfit. When I'm done breastfeeding my daughter I can only imagine the sag to be left afterwards. My legs and butt I don't mind. The cellulite isn't so bad and everyone has it. I've weighed these concerns against the amazing little people that have come from it, and without hesitation they are worth so much more than a banging body. But is it so wrong to want to feel good in my skin regardless? If there is something I can do about it, why not?

I want to feel comfortable enough to have the lights on when...you know. I want to forget about locking the door to the bathroom when I shower because my husband might walk in - and instead of worrying that he might see me fully naked (he doesn't care but I do) I might have a different idea. Just maybe I will be able to wear a bikini confidently for the first time in 7 years. I want to feel sexy.

And not cover of a magazine sexy. That doesn't exist. I want to feel mommy sexy.

My goals this year are not only to better myself physically, but spiritually and emotionally too. I have a lot of healing to focus on.

Spiritually I'm going to attend church every Sunday. I'm going to pray the rosary in the car ride and not only when I want to ask for something, but to thank Him for all His blessings.

Emotionally I want to focus on being a better person. I want to spend more time with my friends, family, and especially my husband. I am planning a "date" with the girls every month. I'm going to be present and put down the phone at night. If it's urgent, call me. If not, shoot me a text and I'll get to it.

Physically I have a few phases. Phase I is actually complete, 90 days in on Weight Watchers. I've lost 13+ pounds and feel so much better already. Today I take my "after" pics and compare. I like visual results, I need that motivation. Phase II has already begun as well: keeping up with WW and training for 5Ks. I'm running 20 minutes on the treadmill and each time the distance grows further. That's progress, my friends. Phase III will depend on whether or not I am still nursing. If I am, which I hope to be, I'm going to add Insanity workouts to my WW and running routines. Phase IV will consist of WW, running, Insanity, and Body by Vi shakes. 2014 is going to be a huge physical change for me.

2014 is the year sexy is coming back, and I'm bringing it!!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

It's Been a While...

My Mom asked me last week why I hadn't been blogging. Honestly, I didn't have a good enough reason other than being lazy, but there's plenty going on this summer to share, so blog I shall.

Last time I posted, I was pretty coy about being depressed. I would try so hard to find the beauty in things, but there came a point where I needed more help than church, my family, and distractions were offering. So I went to my doctor (in tears, nonetheless) and was prescribed Zoloft. In a few short weeks I felt a huge difference: I was able to focus better at work, I wasn't so snippy towards my husband, and overall I felt a little more at peace. It was pretty scary for me to admit that medicine would help, but I had to first admit that what I was going through wasn't just "being sad"; it was a chemical imbalance from postpartum depression (yes, you can get that after a miscarriage).

We had kept trying. I would pee on a stick more often than I liked to, tried tracking my ovulation and was disappointed every 4 weeks. On top of the pregnancy tests being negative, every ovulation test showed negative as well. I felt broken; I was sure that the D&C from July had screwed me up because why wouldn't I be ovulating? Pregnancy announcements would pop up here and there, and I would have to deal with my feelings...alone.

In December, with Christmas approaching and my angel baby's due date of 12/22 just around the corner, I was having a hard time. The weekend before Christmas, J and I were having a security system installed and we were asked if we had a dog - he answered that we were considering it. Now, I bugged J constantly about getting a dog because I grew up with them and so did he and we both knew how much the girls would love one...but alas, hubby is allergic and didn't want our house to smell like animals. I figured his response was a fib because a stranger was in our home, checking things out and installing security equipment. However, J came up to me and pulled a piece of paper from his pocket with a picture of a black lab puppy and notes all over - he had already talked to the breeder and we were going to be going to visit them that weekend to decide.

So no, I didn't get a baby for Christmas. But, I got a puppy. Not the same or even close by any means, but something to take care of and another distraction. We went for a visit and oogled over the little furball and fell in love with the parents, making our decision easy. We were going to be bringing Jax home on December 29th.

I was in charge of getting up with Jax to let him out in the middle of the night. Not that I minded. The first night wasn't so bad at all. I don't know how many times I got up with him, but at 4:30am after letting him out I needed to pee. Badly. My period was expected in the next couple of days, so I decided to take my December test then.

Three minutes later, my life changed again. "Pregnant" flashed across the screen, and for a brief second I thought I was dreaming...then came the waterworks, happy tears. I cannot describe the feeling - after all those months of hoping and trying and being numb, we were pregnant! Do I wake J up now? OMG we just got a puppy yesterday, now a baby? He's going to have a heart attack! What do I do, can I even go back to sleep? It was probably a half hour of these thoughts running through my head before I scribbled on the bathroom mirror and climbed back into bed, happy and excited and...scared.

We told people a little group at a time; our siblings didn't even know until after our ultrasound where we knew there was a heartbeat. I held back the tears that day watching the little flicker on the screen. They determined I was measuring a week behind what my LMP calculated...which triggered a light bulb in my head. No wonder the tests were always negative; even though my period would come on time, my ovulation wasn't happening after two weeks in like medicine and science told me it was. I was showing a positive pregnancy test less than 10 days after conception. WHAT?!

My due date is September 12th. I pray every day for my little growing baby, but as much as I try to trust in God some days are hard to keep the Faith that baby is for real and isn't going to be ripped from my womb again. I had a scare about a month ago - thankfully I was able to borrow a fetal doppler and put my mind at ease for a weekend when my only other option was the bank-breaking ER. I still worry every day and wish I had access to hear baby's heartbeat any time I wanted...I could plug in headphones and sit there all day listening to it.

We told the girls on March 8th, and at first they didn't believe us which was not how I expected our announcement to go. They're so excited though; E always refers to "baby in belly" and B is already acting like a mini mom...I no longer am an individual to her haha everything is "Mommy and baby". She did the dishes so "Mommy and baby" don't have to. If I'm sitting on the couch she asks if I need anything. She worries about the time I will need to spend in the hospital, saying she wishes she were a nurse so I could be at home and she could take care of me and baby. I love and appreciate her thoughts, but I still need her to be a kid so I try to keep some things to myself so she doesn't think about them so much.

That same night I made the announcement to my friends by having a themed party: baby taco bowls, baby sodas, baby mozzarella sticks, and baby cakes...it took a while but someone finally said, "I GET IT!" It was a fun way to share the news.

Our next ultrasound is April 11th, 9 days away. I'm trying to keep busy at work so the time goes by quicker, but who am I kidding? No matter what I do it will seem like forever away. We scheduled a 3D/4D ultrasound for the end of June as well.

By the way, Jax is awesome. He is such a good listener and we don't have any problems with him...other than his excitement for attention from anybody :) but that's not such a bad thing I suppose. He is so good at night or in the day when he's in his kennel, he listens, doesn't have accidents in the house, doesn't get aggressive with the kids, and just loves us. I'll create a post with just pictures from the last few months, a long "Tuesday's Tid Bits" for y'all.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Just to Make a Point...

Today is January 18, 2013. There has been some debate about dated material on the internet. So, I am predating this post for three days before the Sandy Hook Elementary School incident.

So either it really is January 18, 2013, or I'm psychic and not only know that something is going to happen, but am aware there will be "conspiracy theories" out there a month later.


Monday, November 19, 2012

Weekly Bliss

New Boots!

New Babies.

New Friends.

New Games.

New Day.

New Fort
(Reading books under the blanket with a flashlight and giggling...not like we had the lights off or anything haha!)

New Words.
I feel so blessed.